I debated whether to publish this since I try to stay out of politics here, and it seemed to have little to do with entertainment media. Then I thought about it and decided that modern politics resemble entertainment media. I mean, the recipe is:
Mix1 cup American Idol & 1 cup Survivor. Fold in one quarter cup Honey Boo Boo. Sprinkle liberally with zest of zinger.
Besides it makes me giggle.
The Teapartyer’s Consteatwoshun of The United States of ‘Merica
We the free, white, Christian people of the United States of ‘Merica, in order to form the best god-dang countree in the whole world and if you don’t like it the go to Russia, establish wild west justise (GUNS!!!), insure domestic tranquiwlity, provide for the common defense(guns again), promote the general welfare (more guns), and secure the blessings of liberty through Superior firepower to ourselves and our posteariority, do ordain and establish this Constetwoshun for the United States of ‘Merica.
Article 1-6
Blah, Blah, Blah. Some shit ‘bout the gummermint.
Amendments to the Consteatwoshun:
Article ½ :
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAWWWW
Article 1:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion except for Christianity, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of us to say whatever shit we want, or of the press to make up some shit and call it news (unless it is cold hard facts in which case it will be called “lamestream media”); or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, unless their long haired, hippies and the like, and to petition the Government to redress the Governess.
Article 2:
A well regulated Militsha, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people (as in each person not the collective state, just ignore that milisha act.) to keep and bear how ever many arms it takes to make up for their small penis, shall not be infringed.
Article 3:
Something ‘bout some shit we couldn’t care less about.
Article 4:
The right of the people to be secure in their persons (guns), houses (bigger guns), papers (a revolver will do), and effects(still more guns), against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized unless we don’t like the looks of you, you’re a black guy in a mostly white neighborhood, or you are one of them there Ahrabs cuz that means you are probably in Al-Quesadilla or whatever it’s called. I still don’t know why Al hates us so much.
Article 5:
Nobody shall be made to bear witness against themselves but then again if you won’t testify it means you’ve got something to hide and are probably guilty.
Article 6:
in all crimnal prostitushuns, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, before he is taken out back and shot specially if you ain’t an upstandin’ white Christian boy. Oh and to have the Assistance of some scumbag Counsel for his defense, coz only a dirtbag would represent a criminal.
Article 7:
Ain’t nothing bout guns, so who gives a shit.
Article 8:
Something bout bail. Aww shit, just hang ‘em already.
Article 9:
Beats the shit outta me.
Article 10:
STATES RIGHTS!!!! OH, I wish I was in the land of cotton,
Old times they are not forgotten;
Look away! Look away! Look away! DixieLand.
In DixieLand where I was born in,
Early on one frosty mornin,
Look away! Look away! Look away! DixieLand.
Article 11-12:
I was too busy thinking ‘bout taking Peggy to the TasTee Freeze so I didn’t pay much attention.
Article 13:
Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.
↑ Nevermind
Article 14-18:
I don’t know what it is, but I know I’m a’gin it.
Article 19:
The rights of the citizens to vote for hot(ish) chicks shall not be infringed.
Article 20:
*shrugs*
Article 21:
Drink up motherfucker.
Article 22:
BENGHAZI!!!!
Article The Rest:
Then there’s a bunch of other crap.
The End.
